Hmm.. What is happening?

I am really so worried about Nikki these days. I do not know if it is my ability to find something to worry about if there is nothing to worry, but I have kind of become a chronic worrier. Whether he will grow (he is small for his age, not even 20 pounds), whether he will grow teeth(he has only 2), whether he will walk(he walked in India for couple of days, completely went back to crawling when we came here, has started walking again but just sporadically when he feels like it). And he is getting obstinate day by day, especially with matters related to eating.

He talks, his vocaublary is unbelieavable. He tries to repeat whatever we say. He succeeds sometimes but makes reasonable attempts everytime. Sample : DH calls him "Bayanthaankolli butchu" (meaning timid butchu, butchu is one of his nick names), he will say "Bayandhee buu". He does not like to wear socks, shoes, jacket, hat, etc. When I force him into shoes, he would say "shee kaltu" (remove shoes). The same goes for anything that he wants to be removed : ox (socks), cheen(chain), beit(car seat belt, high chair belt). "Chaapa"(for eating), baahunda(telegu for are you doing good), takkaayee(tomato), thanni(water), ethu(lift me in telegu), indha(take it), kanom(if he is not able to find something), diipaa (diaper). The one I love is "baati" or "baatil" meaning he wants bottle. He asks for bottle when he gets up from bed. If he is not that hungry then it will be "daddy" (sometimes called "diddy"). He has become his father's son these days (he already was one, but it is growing in exponential proportions). There was an intense "anti-amma" phase in the past week and it is becoming better.

The one that I miss most in the past month is him losing his baby face. He now has the boyish look, facial hair(along side his temples) and thick eyebrows. He is a clone of his father, more so everyday. I sometimes would think, when Nikki grows up, will DH and Nikki look like the father/son pair in the Tamil movies where the hero(sarath kumar/vijay kanth) plays dual role. I crack up laughing at the thought of it.

And he finally has got adjusted to day care. He still cries, but stops the moment I leave the room. He has a girl friend Kayla whom he chases around all day. He doesn't starve there. He has yogurt and munches some rice puffs for lunch.

And I am not going to talk about his eating habits now. It warrants a separate post by itself and I will need all/any wisdom that you guys have to help me find a way through this. I dread his mealtimes more than him. It drains me both physically and mentally. I don't know what went wrong. See I am starting to ramble. Got some errands to do. Will come back and do a post on it.

Quick updates

The last 3 weeks have been extremely busy at Nikki’s household. What with 2 birthday parties (1 on the real birthday and a BIG one on the Saturday following his birthday), painting of the guest room, cleaning up house, shopping for India trip, I still haven’t been able to breathe normally. One GREAT thing that happened because of all this, I am out of my gloomy mood, the party planning and execution really cheered me up and I am my usual self now. Will do a detailed birthday post once I reach India. I absolutely have no time right now.

My mind is clear. How am I going to deal with ILs? By keeping calm, that’s it. They cannot quarrel with me, you need 2 sides to quarrel. I did the mistake once, will not repeat it again. I am sure they will come up with something because I am going to spend more time with my family & friends, at least until DH comes to India. And then it is upto DH where he wants to spend his time.

Two main resolutions that I am planning to follow this year:

1. Give up – Judging others & “Better than thou” attitude. I have stopped being critical about myself. Fights between me & DH have reached record proportions, I am leading a life that I vowed I will never let happen to me. I certainly do not want Nikki grow up seeing us like this. Both DH & I blame each other for not doing x, y, z’s we have forgotten that we have not done our a, b, c’s right. “Better than thou” is causing lot of inter-personal conflicts not only between DH & I, but also with others. DH is not willing to see his shortcomings, I will take the first couple of steps and I am sure he will see reason and follow suit.

2. Take back – calmness : I will not let my mind lose it’s calm because somebody else has lost theirs. It is not very tough, that is how I used to be, I can get back there, just by being mindful of every action / word that comes from me. Should not get so emotional for trivial things.

There many other small resolutions that I make every year: losing weight (this year add 5 month pregnant tummy to it), learn something new(take a course at the community college), do something to reduce my impatience (I think it is in my personality, the day I overcome this, I have become a saint) that never seem to happen. Let me see how things work out this year.

I have been reading all of your blogs, lurking around mostly because of lack of time, wanted to comment on lot of posts(DotMom’s concern about Chip liking pink, mnamma’s post, Kiran’s post on Krish’s new scooty, Tharini’s posts on Thambi & homemade kanji (you are awesome Tharini), CeeKay’s posts, Boo’s post on sledging, Parul’s posts, & whole load of others where I usually lurk around …). I do not know if I will have time. Will catch you all next weekend from India. Meanwhile, those of you believers, please pray that we have an uneventful trip and Nikki takes well to the flight travel.

HAPPY & HEALTHY NEW YEAR to ALL OF YOU. May all of us have the strength to keep up our resolutions!