Fair and Lovely !

This irks me to no end. Not because I am dark skinned, but because I am happy about my color. Why is being dark considered such a bad thing. Why do people go gaga over somebody’s color, (rather lack of it, white is lack of color)? Won’t one look lovely without being fair? Does fairness alone bring about loveliness in somebody’s face? Good, healthy, blemish less skin gives glow to people of any skin color.

Now, to why this topic came about. There was a baby shower last Sunday for one of our friends who is having her second baby this December. When we started lunch, started a conversation with her. I was asking her if she has gotten over nausea and if she is able to eat all kinds of food. She was telling me that she is not able to drink Tropicana Orange juice, but her husband is forcing her to drink, in spite of she substituting it with clementine (fruit from the orange family). I was like, what?? Whole fruit is better than the Trop OJ that lacks fiber and comes packed with sugar and preservatives. It took me a while to digest what she told me. Actually, I am still digesting it. Her 1st daughter (lets call her D) was born with “GOOD” color because she had Tropicana OJ during her pregnancy. So she is supposed to eat all that she ate during her first pregnancy and NOT EAT anything new that she did not eat during that term. And that includes “NO PRE-NATAL VITAMINS” until 5th month of her pregnancy. (because of lot of reasons, she went to the doc only by the end of her 4th month during her 1st preg).

Now, let me make a few things clear before I go on with this. She and D are dark wheatish color. Her husband is pitch-dark. I have seen pictures of her in-laws. The husband gets his color from his mother. D (the daughter) has some problem with her kidneys and eyes from birth, which I think might be because the mom did not have the pre-natal vitamins during the vital 1st trimester. Having Juice, saffron all that is ok, but not having pre-natal vitamins?!. I was furious, how can you not eat pre-natal vitamins, I asked her, you can do it even without your husband knowing it. Only then, I came to know, she also believes in it. Since she had D in a remote town near Madurai and D was brought up there without crib, swing, bouncer and all the paraphernalia that comes with a baby in the US, they wouldn’t buy anything for the second one, other than the bare necessities. I already started pitying the second one. Her logic is they are trying to treat both of them impartially and bring them up equally. What would you say? There were lot of things that came to my mind, but I kept shut. I did not want to pick up an argument with her. Will you be able to give the undivided attention and all of your time to the second one like you did for the first one. There are a lot of things that are special for the first one. I couldn’t keep quiet completely though. I asked her, “A, you would have seen a plethora of beauty products in US, have you seen any product being marketed for making people fair? There are lot of blacks here, darker than us Indians. They don’t crave to become fair. Infact, I have seen whites here wanting to get some tan on their skin”. She just smiled and she said “your son is fair, so you are talking like this”. I did not see any point in pursuing this topic with her. Then in the same gathering, I spoke to 2 more people who buy “Fair & Lovely” from the Indian grocery stores here and use it religiously. “You still haven’t lost hope?” was my question.

I was ranting, ranting and ranting all the way home and I still am. I cannot stand that people can think like this. I do not judge somebody’s beauty / personality by their color. I did not have any color preference for my baby. DH happens to be fair and since my son is a clone of his father, he got his color too. I actually like brown skinned people. Being brown / black is a part of my identity. I am proud about it. Wanting to become fair, according to me is, trying to become someone you are not. Masking yourself because you are ashamed of your identity. Only people with low self-esteem would do it. I have heard this thing about color from lot of us Indians. My in-laws too, my SIL denounced me for being brown (she is a shade darker than me). I laugh at such people, those comments do not even bother me. I have been wanting to rant about this for a long time, when my MIL made an ugly comment about one of our friend’s baby because she is dark. (the baby is a doll, beautiful big eyes, lovely lips, I love her). Because it was my MIL, it did not affect me a lot. But people in my age group thinking like this. I thought living in the US might change people, their attitude and outlook towards life might improve a little bit, everything else might, but “the craze for being fair will be for ever” I think. “Fair-ever”! Indian cosmetic makers know how to name their products.